Sam's Story

What happened

Ever since I was 14, I have been in and out of abusive relationships.  It started with physical abuse and then progressed to verbal and mental abuse as well. I used to lock my self in my bedroom at home and cry because I thought that I was doing something horribly wrong. I thought that it was my fault. I did not understand why every person that I had dated wanted to hurt me. I tried to hide it from my friends, my family and myself. I buried the pain and anger away deep inside of me where I thought no one could ever find it   I just kept going on like everything was normal and happy. For a long time I kept dating the same kind of people, I was trapped in this whirlwind of hurt and pain. I thought that I could deal with everything on my own. I finally had enough and broke down in front of my best friend. My best friend listened to me and let me cry out all my feelings, and showed me that I am an amazing person and t do not deserve to be treated like I am worth nothing.

What I would say to someone who is in an unhealthy relationship and is being abused:

You need to realize that what has happened to you is not tour fault. You need to see that you are being strong. No matter what, you need to tell someone that you trust so that they can help you get your life back. People who abuse are not worth being with and are not good. Once you are free everything gets better. Your whole life opens up in front of you and you can be happy again without any fear*.

*Source: http://home.vicnet.net.au/~girlsown/readstories.htm

What is a Healthy Relationship?

A healthy relationship is.....

• Having fun together
• When both people are committed and honest with each other
• Being able to spend time with your friends and on your own
• Sharing responsibilities
• Taking each day as it comes and not planning every thing in your life
• Keeping your own individual self
• Feeling safe & comfortable with each other & knowing that your partner won't harm you
• Showing your partner that they can trust you by trusting them
• Respecting your partner's decisions, feelings, thoughts and ideas
• Being kind to yourself and your partner
• Seeing each other as equals
• Expressing what you feel
• Understanding each other's differences

What is an Unhealthy Relationship?

• If you are scared or frightened anxious or tense when your partner is around
• If you disagree or argue a lot
• If you are swamped by your partner
• When there is no honesty commitment or trust
• Being scared to disagree or challenge your partner's behavior
• If you cannot communicate
• If your partner is constantly checking up on you
• If your partner stops you seeing your friends or family
• Accepting and being responsible for your partner's abusive behaviour
• If your partner starts physically, sexually, emotionally, socially or financially abusing you

You are not to blame for someone else's behaviour, but you are responsible for your own.

When and How to Say NO

• When someone tries to make you do something that you don't want to do-back away with out being aggressive or scared and confidently say No
• Let the person know that you don't feel comfortable
• When you're not ready or isn't the right time or place express your feelings and be confident
• Trust yourself and your instincts

What you can do, and how you can end it

You can.....

• Talk to someone and let him or her know how you feel
• Find someone that you can trust
• Try talking to friends and family
• Talk to your partner if you can
• Try talking to your partner over the phone rather then in person
• Try not to be alone with your partner make sure that there are other people around
• Think of ways to stay in control
• Trust your gut feelings
• Contact places for support

If you are in unhealthy relationship ask yourself is this what I really want?"

If you think you are in an unhealthy relationship but are unsure how to change things a number of support organizations can offer you free and confidential help their details can be found at the end of this web site.

How to make Friends

• Speak your mind
• Find out what you have in common
• Be honest
• Wave to people
• Try new activities
• Acknowledge others
• Talk about your self
• Be friendly, smile
• Go places where people hang out
• Talk to people make conversation
• Introduce yourself
• Help people
• Go to parties
• Join a club
• Listen to others

Good things you can do for:

Yourself

• Trust your instincts/ gut feelings
• Stand up for your beliefs
• Think for your self
• Be responsible for your own actions
• Feel safe before taking the next step
• Look and focus on positives
• Have time for yourself and your friends

If you are in an abusive relationship you should seek help from one of the many support agencies listed at the end of the web site. No matter how respectful you are or how communicative you are you cannot make an abusive person change unless they choose to.

Your Partner

• Communicate with them
• Give them respect
• Listen to them
• Show them that you love and care for them
• Give them compliments
• Trust them
• Accept them for what they are

Types of Abuse

There are many types of abuse and they are ALL equally harmful

Physical abuse is.....

• Hitting
• Punching
• Slapping
• Pushing
• Kicking
• Pulling hair
• Choking
• Threatening to harm you in any way

You cannot make some one  violent it is not your fault and you cannot change his or her behaviour.

Financial abuse is when someone

• With-holds money, food and or transportation from you
• Controls all of your income
• When you have to beg your partner for money

Emotional, social & psychological abuse I when someone

• Puts you down
• Wants you to stop spending time with your friends and family
• Intimidates you and controls you behavior
• Makes you feel as if you have no one else to turn to
• Humiliates and criticises you in front of others
• Threatens to hurt themselves or other people
• Makes you feel like you're wrong, stupid, hopeless or inadequate
• Tries to make you feel completely dependent on them
• Blames you for things which you didn't do, can't control

Sexual abuse is when someone.....

• Pressures or forces you to do sexual things that you don't want to do
• Forces you to have sex when you don't want to
• Touches you in sexual way which make you feel uncomfortable
• Makes suggestive sexual comments
• Masturbates in front of you or makes you masturbate them
• Manipulates you by saying things like 'you do it if you love me' I'll leave you if you don't or I'll hurt you if you don't do what I want"

Where you can get help

S.H.E. (Support, Help and Empowerment)
Messages may left at any time on (03) 62 2789090
Hours: Monday to Friday 9am - 4.30pm

The Sexual Assault Support Service (SASS)
After Hours Crisis Line (03) 62 311811 9am - 5pm

Hobart Woman's Health Center
25 Lefroy St North Hobart
(03) 62 313212 or free call 1800 353 212

Australian Red Cross-Roadhouse
(03) 62 312860
Hours: 9am - 12pm week days

Centacare
(03) 62 781660
Hours: 8am - 6pm

Anglicare
(03) 62 314399 or 1800 243 232
Hours: 9am - 4pm weekdays

Family Planning
2 Midwood St New Town
(03) 62 285244 or (03) 62 285422

Pulse Youth Health Centre
12 - 24 Year Olds
Glenorchy
(03) 62 338900

Mara House
(03) 6228 1564